A few weeks back, during a violin practice, my teacher remarked, "Tell me if I'm wrong, Grace, but are you thinking about what you are going to play next, instead of what you are playing presently?" He said that I kind of looked disconnected from the music.
He was not wrong.
I have always been quite nervous while performing on stage. It's just that I'm always afraid of forgetting something, forgetting the note I am going to play next. I then proceed to think of what I am going to play next, instead of focusing on what I am currently playing. That action then makes my mind to overthink, and quite ironically, I will usually forget the next note, which causes me to completely panic. This is particularly an issue for me, and maybe for many others, because I just can't seem to focus on my performance itself since I am too busy thinking about what is going to happen next.
And then I thought, it's kind of like this in life, right? People are so busy thinking about their futures that they don't even bother paying attention to the present. Of course, it's always good to have a loose plan of your future, and thinking about how you can make it even better, but these kind of thoughts can easily turn too serious, too over-consumming.
My teacher also gave me some advice. He said, "Think of the kind of vibrato you want to make on your current note, what type of sound you want to play out." He told me to think about how I can make the present note I was playing even better. I'm still not at that level of focusness, but I am getting closer to it. During my past few performances, I have tried to forget about my upcoming notes, instead just concentrating on what I was playing presently.
What I have slowly come to realize, and I hope that many others will too, is that thinking only about the future is not sufficient. The present is what shapes our future, so if we ignore the previous, all the effort we put into our future will probably won't be fulfilled. Instead, I find that dedicating ourself more to the present gives us a better understanding of what the future might hold.
Currently, I've been thinking of high school a lot. It's at once exciting and nerve wracking. But then I wonder, why look so far into the distance? Maybe I should just enjoy where I am right now, and settle my thoughts on that.
There is this fantastic quote that goes, "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." (By Mae West) And I believe that to do it right, we have to take it day by day, by every laughter, every tear.
Maybe, just maybe, it's time to let the future go, and let our humble present guide us through life.
Great post Grace! I agree people have to slow down and take it one step at a time instead of thinking of the next thing they will do.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jane! And yes, sometimes it's better to be slow but steady.
Delete-Grace :)
Amazing post, Grace. I relate to this so much! I do often find myself thinking too much about the future and not enjoying the present. I am gradually stopping myself from overthinking but I still have those moments when I get really stressed about it but then I have to remind myself that I need to relax and that I will be fine when everything is said and done :)
ReplyDeleteAnd that happens to me so much when I play the violin! <--Not the most skilled player :P
Thank you very much Lottie! And I can completely relate to your comment! Sometimes you just have to take a moment to take a deep breath, and relax, eh?
Delete-Grace :)
I overreact and gosh it just gets really messy in my head! I can't help not looking to the future as well as maybe some other people, but sometimes taking it from here and then in the next hour is all there is to think about. I guess that's why people get jealous of babies because babies don't know much of the "real world" and they don't have to worry over the little things.
ReplyDeleteI have to ask, maybe it's stupid, but are you going to be a freshman next school year? Because if you are, then i'm worrying about high school too! Sista from another mother. XD
If freshman stands for Grade 9, then yes! And hey, high five sista from anotha motha! (If there are any grammar Nazis lurking around, please forgive me!) And gosh, being a baby and being conscious of it in your mind would be mind-blowingly awesome!
Delete-Grace :)
I can definitely agree with you on this topic. Like you mentioned, high school is something I have really been stressing about. Although I was accepted into the specialized program I wanted to, I'm terrified at the thought of all of the drama and making new friends. Anyways, great post as always, Grace, I will always think of you as an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteWhy, thank you so much Canela! And yes, the very idea of starting high school can be exciting yet terrifying at the same time! But I'm sure that most people there are super accepting! The high school I'll be enrolling for in Grade 9 is quite small, so everybody there is just like one big family!
Delete-Grace :)